139 Dear Martians!

Dear Martians, errr... Aliens... Hail... whatever.

Greetings from us earthlings, yes, the people on planet earth. We've been looking for signs of your existence for decades and are seeking contact with you, and I just wanted to send you this message, in case you're out there, because I want at least someone to be honest with you and let you know that we may not be just as wonderful as we portray ourselves to be.

You see, I find it a bit hypocritical of us to be seeking contact with you, some possibly existing higher intelligence & more developed or "evolved" species, and pretend how nice we are, when communications are pretty lousy here, among ourselves.

Our favorite means of communications, and the one we invest most of our resources in, in fact, what we call the best and most "booming business", is weapons. It all started with clubs and sticks thousands of years ago, then swords and catapults to hurl rocks at each other's castles, but we've become way more sophisticated in our modern means of "communications" since then.

Nowadays, if we don't like someone, or say, a whole country, we don't even have to go there ourselves anymore to eliminate them, but we can send them our greetings and messages via remote controled drones (small airplanes, which are like toy versions of your space ships). The "message" usually consists of some bombs or missiles that are being shot at "suspicious" gatherings of people, such as weddings (a human mating ritual), etc.

The leaders of our nations then pay 2000 Dollars for every child they sent their greetings to, which basically says, "Be removed from this earth" to their relatives, the ones who didn't get a message yet.

Dollars are pieces of paper with numbers on. They are our second favorite means of communication. We give them to each other in exchange for things, like weapons (our favorite means of communication as I explained earlier), food, houses, cars (a primitive means of transportation), but also airplanes, TVs (a one-way communication device our leaders use to keep us happy and tranquilized), along with things that will makes us stay happy and content, like alcohol and drugs, or even physical affection from other humans.

Of course, we also have other means of communication that we use for exchange of words, but usually they're not really used to communicate anything essential or important, just to keep us busy chatting and ignoring certain things, like the decreasing value of our dollars, or the wedding message drones, or the fact that we only sell food to special people.
The others have to die a slow, cruel death of starvation, even though there would be plenty of dollars to feed them.
But the people with all the dollars and wedding message drones think that if we feed them, there won't be enough left for themselves.

So, dear aliens, this is just to let you know that I don't think that our planet earth would be a very safe place for you to come right now.

If we're already being this mean to each other, you can only imagine what we might do to you, unless, of course, you would turn out to be way stronger than us...

If we should have aroused your curiosity, though, maybe you could pay us a visit in secret, and we can tell you some more about our strange race.
I also have a few pretty cool friends who wouldn't turn you in or sell you over to the weapons and dollars people.

There once used to live a Man on our planet Who was quite different from the way most people are today, and instead of messages that said "Be removed from this earth," He gave a message of love, and allowed Himself to be removed for us. His name was Jesus. He said He would come back some day to pick us all up to a better Home, a City in the sky that's quite big.

Anyway, maybe you can come visit us when Jesus is back, in our new heavenly Home, and when the earth will be all cleaned up from weapons and dollars and stuff, and there will be no more wedding drone messages, and all the people will be given enough food.

In the meantime, I wish you all the best in your endeavor of exploring the more primitive species in the universe like us, and hope for all of us that Jesus is going to come back soon so that we're going to be a nicer people to meet, when you'll finally get to know us.

"God bless you," as some people say down here, that means, may the Creator of the universe be good to you, and may He keep you from bad people and wedding message drones, dollars and starvation.

Hope to see you soon.

Sincerely,

yours,

Dave